A tender mercy... I found an old message from Tucker

Today is the one month mark of Tucker's passing.  Kylee and I planned on helping my friend Bonnie, who was also very close to Tucker.  She threw her back out and needed help shopping at Costco and lifting things.  So we made a day of it.  We also wanted to go visit Tuckers' grave.  Once at Costco they didn't have what Bonnie wanted so we ended up leaving in a rush and forgot to get flowers.  We didn't realize it until we got to the cemetery.  I bet Tucker was just laughing at us.  We are such ding dongs.  It was a beautiful day and the sun was so warm.  The view is just amazing. Some flowers had died so we cleaned up the area a little and then I decide to go pick a flower from a bush growing close by.  I am sure Tucker would approve.  It was a little naughty.  We all had a good laugh, and a good visit with Tucker.  I am so glad he is buried here in Washington.  I am pretty much over my crazy behavior, and my memory is coming back.  I am able to control my feelings of sadness and mostly keep my thoughts positive.  I have even cleaned up my shrine ( Bonnie's husband Tim lovingly called it).    Which would be the assortment of random pictures of Tucker I posted all over the mirror hanging in our entry way.  I just have a few pictures of him around the house now. 

So after Tucker passed away I was going through my phone looking for the last text we had to each other.  He had asked me if I had an extra phone he could borrow.  I just loved being one of his go to people.  The last time we loaned him a phone, it was a pretty nice smart phone, and he had it for two days before it was stolen.  He was always going through phones. 

I locked that message in my phone to always have.  Well a few days later I went to look for the message and I must have made a mistake and not locked it...because it was deleted.  I was pretty sad.  It would have been nice to have that.  Well today I was on Facebook looking at Tucker's page.  I looked at our personal messages and found this...

I am so happy I have a note from him.  And how funny that it is also about a phone.   I lost my phone at his 16th birthday party at his uncle's house.   What a tender mercy to have such a nice message. 

More Pictures from Trek ~

Trek...a wonderful experience...here we are before the journey.

Our little family of 14...really 12 since President Bulson and his wife were our Trek Company leaders.

some of the activities along the 26 mile journey

arriving at camp for the night

getting dinner ready for my big family!

we all lost a little weight <3

Jensen's family crossing one of the rivers...I love how he has his head down and is working hard.  Put your shoulder to the wheel son!

Jensen again pushing through another river.  He was assigned to be the family big brother and had extra responsibilities. 

Everyone received letters from home, here Jensen is reading our letter to him.  Love this boy so very much!

Looks like Jensen got a break and is walking along side his cart.

and yet another river picture...

Jensen's Trek Family

Pa Brown making our shelters for the night

Some of my Trek daughters in our shelter

The Miracle of the size 7 1/2 shoes happened in our family.  One of our "Trek children" came ill prepared with the wrong type of shoes, by the end of the second day, her feet were all blistered, and she was slidding along the trail very slowly with her shoes falling off.  We had about 3 more miles to walk.  I decided to ask the leaders in charge if anyone had an extra pair of shoes they could loan her so she could complete the trek.  We needed a size 7 1/2.  The leaders used their walkie talkies and asked the entire company.  No one could offer her any shoes.  Elizabeth could have taken the easy road and got a ride back to camp, but she decided to keep walking.  We were the last family to reach camp that night.  Upon arriving at camp, the leaders approached us with these shoes.  They had been found in the trees...guess what size they were?  Yes  7 1/2.  Our little Trek miracle. 

Here is cute Elizabeth with her new miracle shoes.  They were comfortable, and she wore them the rest of the week.  A great blessing for her and a great lesson for us all. 

we learned how the pioneers bought guns to protect themselves from indians, but usually didn't know how to use them and ended up with self inflicted injuries...

here we are doing the womans' pull.  The men were all called off to war and the women had to do the Trek alone.  We had some huge hills.  Don't mess with us mormon women we are tough...grrrr.





Here's a better picture of the big hill.  That last one was a challenge, but we did it!

The men had to watch us struggle to get up the hill, they gained a new respect for us that day :)

our little family working together

Jensen's 1st Homecoming Dance

Jensen and Abi (She and Tucker were suppose to go to the dance together) They all did a group date and wore the color purple for Tucker. She won homecoming princess for the junior class.

Jensen and Mckinley (Tucker's little sister)  Isn't she darling!!! He is pretty cute too :)



some of the group ( two girls were running late)

most of the group!  I am constatly amazed by Jensen and his ability to adapt.  He is an amazing person and I am grateful to have him for my son!

A New Normal...I love the gospel of Jesus Christ

The Utes, the Utes, the Utes are on FIRE!

My Jeff, the hubby loves the Utes!  That is an understatement.  As a family we had a decision to make.  Attend the Ward Chili Cook-off which I originated as the activities director years ago, or watch the Utah vs. BYU game live.  HMMMM.  Well, my husband informed me that we could go enjoy chili but he would be home watching the game.  We all decided to join him. 

Jeff is so passionate about his team that he can hardly hope they will win, he paces around the house, walking in and out of the room and has taken up nervous baking.  (Which benefits the rest of us YAY!)
Here is what he made during the first half of the game when it looked like Utah might not win. 

his very first Texas sheet cake and it was delish!

After Utah won by a huge margin, Jeff was the happiest I have seen him in YEARS...that's not an understatement.  He even replayed the entire game again up in our bedroom and fell asleep to the sound of Utah beating BY-WHO.  I love that man and his mad baking skills!

The Fair

fun rides

pulling her wagon

ba ba ties the shoes

Picture with Dora

How cute is this?  I did a bit of editing on this one ... just couldn't resist!

pet the chicks

and the sheep

huge pumpkin carving

Total Joy!  Yes our entire family went, but the older kids seperated and did their own thing while we spent the day with little miss Faith.  Jeff took Monday off work and we got the kids out of school early to enjoy some much needed R & R.  It was a beautiful day! 

See here's proof ; I took one picture as we were walking into the fair...

A mini, mini, mini miracle ( and I mean really small) but I'll take it.

Ok, I am usually a pretty organized person, but lately I have been what I call a hot mess.  I have no motivation at all.   Jensen needed composition books for nearly two weeks and little Dallin needed dividers for a science binder.  Well I finally drove to the local Walgreens and got Jensen his books but again forgot Dallin.  Friday morning about 10 minutes before his ride was going to pick him up ( which is 6:50am) Dallin informs me his science binder is due for check in and he will get a zero if he doesn't have dividers.  I feel like a horrible mother.  School started two weeks ago for goodness sakes.  This is so unlike me.  ( Not to mention I got a call from Dallin's soccer coach asking if he was quitting the team because he had missed practice for the last two weeks) another thing I forgot.  Poor kid.  So yesterday morning was the last straw.  I said a little pray that went like this, " Heavenly Father, if there are any dividers in our house could you please lead me to them quickly"  Well, I decided to open up our office closet door, looked at the many binders stacked on the shelf and pulled out a random binder...opened it and wa...la!  5 empty divider tabs just waiting to be used!  Yes a miracle indeed.  And I really needed that !

The Spirit World

Obviously I have been thinking about life after death a lot.  I have too much time to think.  When I don't take sleeping pills I am awake all night to think.  It's not healthy, but it's where I am at right now.  Last night was one of those nights.  This morning I woke up to an email from someone I don't know about September 11th.  Below is that email.  It is a wonderful story of two wonderful fathers, and uplifting.  However when I read it, I found it to be sad.  I will explain why at the end of the story.


A few weeks before Sept. 11th, my wife and I found out we were going to have our first child. She planned a trip out to California to visit her sister. On our way to the airport, we prayed that God would grant my wife a safe trip and be with her. Shortly after I said 'amen,' we both heard a loud pop and the car shook violently. We had blown out a tire. I replaced the tire as quickly as I could, but we still missed her flight.


Both very upset we drove home. I received a call from my father who was retired NYFD (New York Fire Department). He asked what my wife's flight number was, but I explained that we missed the flight. My father informed me that her flight was the one that crashed into the southern tower. I was too shocked to speak. My father also had more news for me; he was going to help. 'This is not something I can't just sit by for; I have to do something. ' I was concerned for his safety, of course, but more because he had never given his life to Christ. After a brief debate, I knew his mind was made up. Before he got off of the phone, he said, 'take good care of my grandchild.


Those were the last words I ever heard my father say; he died while helping in the rescue effort. My joy that my prayer of safety for my wife had been answered quickly became anger. I was angry at God, at my father, and at myself. I had gone for nearly two years blaming God for taking my father away. My son would never know his grandfather, my father had never accepted Christ, and I never got to say good-bye.


Then something happened. About two months ago, I was sitting at home with my wife and my son, when there was a knock on the door. I looked at my wife, but I could tell she wasn't expecting anyone. I opened the door to a couple with a small child. The man looked at me and asked if my father's name was Jake Matthews. I told him it was.


He quickly grabbed my hand and said, 'I never got the chance to meet your father, but it is an honor to meet his son. ' He explained to me that his wife had worked in the World Trade Center and had been caught inside after the attack. She was pregnant and had been caught under debris. He then explained that my father had been the one to find his wife and free her. My eyes welled up with tears as I thought of my father giving his life for people like this.


He then said, 'there is something else you need to know. ' His wife then told me that as my father worked to free her, she talked to him and led him to Christ. I began sobbing at the news. Now I know that when I get to Heaven, my father will be standing beside Jesus to welcome me, and that this family would be able to thank him themselves . When their baby boy was born, they named him Jacob Matthew, in honor of the man who gave his life so that a mother and baby could live.


This story should help us to realize this: God is always in control. We may not see the reason behind things, and we may never know this side of heaven, but God is ALWAYS in control. Please take time to share this amazing story. You may never know the impact it may have on someone. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.


Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures Forever. Psalm 1:36 May God bless you, and your family, It's been reported that 86% of Americans believe in God. We are part of that percentage.. 'In God We Trust!'

I think it's sad that most Christians think that their loved ones have to accept Christ in this life to be saved.  Do they realize how many people this disqualifies?  Does God really only love so few of his children?  No, he loves us all.  I believe that after we all die, Christian or not, we will be greeted by our loved ones in the spirit world.  It will be a wonderful reunion.  Just like family reunions here on earth.  Those that didn't have the opportunity here on earth to learn of Christ will be taught by other family and friends about the savior and the gospel.  They will still have their agency and be able to accept or reject those teachings in the spirit world.  Thus every soul has the blessing of living with God and their families forever.  Isn't that so much more wonderful :)

Faith's 1st day of school

leaving for school!

perfection!

watching another student arriving.

My little girl is growing up!  I had such a hard time yesterday morning getting her ready for school. Enrolling her into pre-school was a huge emotional hurdle I had to overcome because I just loved every moment of having her home with me.  But she was soooo excited.  Fortunately she is in afternoon classes, so we had all morning long  to talk about school, about meeting new friends, and about her teacher Mrs. Peggy, which Faith calls Mrs. Piggy.  When we got out of the car to walk Faith to her class room she told me how she just loves her teacher Mrs. Piggy sooo much ( she hadn't met her yet.) After school was over Faith gave me the "down low" on how her first day went.  I  asked if she hit anybody and her answer was, " Just a little bit"  Well I guess that's better than a whole lot!  At least she wasn't in tears and is excited to go back today and I didn't get a phone call!  Plus isn't she just so beautiful!  I love taking  pictures of her. 

Indian Summer

Septembers are always beautiful in the pacific northwest. The Saturday before Tucker passed away Dallin was in a soccer tournament and they took second, he did great. Faith played in the track dirt the entire time and collected tiny rocks. She was a mess. Also, my good friend Beth took me out on the town in Seattle in style to celebrate my birthday. We went to dinner and to see Josh Groban. Kylee snapped a few pictures but the camera was on the manual setting and she didn't realize it. So they are not the best, but still a fun memory. Also Dallin and Jensen started school. Dallin is now in 8th grade and Jensen is now a junior! Yikes!

I am blessed to have wonderful family and friends who truly carry me and our family during difficult trials.  The day of my birthday there were so many tokens of love and affection.  I am grateful for all those that take the time and effort.  The Zunigas gave me this beautiful orchid, in the color purple to remind me of Tucker.   Also the days after Tucker's passingour family received several dinners, cards, flowers, calls and visits from neighbors and friends.  Words are inadequate to express the gratitude we feel for their service to our family, but thank you so much:)

Spencer gave me flowers and a gift card to the Cheesecake factory!

Kylee gave me a cake plate and made me a chocolate cake.

Jeff and the kids gave me a new lens for my camera and Jeff also planned a date night with the Lewis's and the Zuniga's. 

Kris gave me a fair themed gift basket with fudge, fair tickets and homemade jam (that's already gone )

and more flowers

Kylee's yummy chocolate cake!

Sweet Deanna gave me a gift card to cold stone and beautiful flowers!

and wonderful cards in the mail, one from my friend Katie (card above) and another from my mom
who always sends cold hard cash :)  I also received so many texts from loved ones. 

My sweet friend Dawn also stopped by and gave me a beautiful gourmet cupcake with imported sparkling pink lemonade, but it was eaten too fast to get a picture!  Thanks so much wonderful friend!

first day of school

anticipation